Dance like you've never before.....

Time to move on?

2011-02-01T09:37:00.000-08:00

Haven't been blogging for so long but...i just feel like doing it tonight. Because i'm feeling extremely down. I mean...things are going pretty alright (i hope) in my life. But..it just dawned on me tonight that...in the mist of life and friends, i'm starting to become a stranger to myself. Working in a hostel, getting to know a lot more people different people i mean..out there's pretty cool and all if u know what i mean. But..i don't know. I just don't know..I'm getting more and more confused these days. And even though i've gotten back with my ex boyfriend, but i just don't feel the same as before. Ok...i know it has always been my wish whether in dreams or whatever ever since we broke up that we would get back together again but yesterday, after we DID get back together, i thought i'd be ecstatic to the max but it seems not.

He was...well,...not my first but my TRUE LOVE which i loved with all my heart and soul and i swear i could've done anything for him if he ever asked though of cos he did not. So when we broke up, days were like hell to me and i just didn't think i believe in true love anymore. I mean...he was the one guy who changed my view on relationships and all so...yeah. And after a while of going into that terrible i-don't-wanna-see-anyone-in-this-world state, i pretty much decided that maybe...just maybe...instead of sitting there all day getting more and more emotional about it, i should start doing something to move on and get over it like what all my friends say. But i didn't know what to do so i got myself into more relationships thinking i'll get over him. But the thing was, with each new relationship, the feeling just got worst and i got more and more confused. And it never felt the same as i was with him.

So now that my dream has come true and that we're back together, i should be feeling awesome! Like i was on cloud 9 or something right? But thats not how i feel at all. Nothing seems to make sense anymore. And i don't even know who to turn to anymore cause my parents...well...i don't wanna talk about them.

I just hope God would be merciful enough to show me some path out of this shit that i'm in.

My shattered dreams and broken heart

Are mending on the shelf
I saw you holding hands, standing close to someone else
Now I sit all alone wishing all my feeling was gone
I gave my best to you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I guess I’m down to my last cry

Cry......

I was here, you were there
Guess we never could agree
While the sun shines on you
I need some love to rain on me
Still I sit all alone, wishing all my feeling was gone
Gotta get over you, nothing for me to do
But have one last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind this time
Stop living a lie
I know I gotta be strong
Cause round me life goes on and on and on
And on.....

I’m gonna dry my eyes
Right after I had my
One last cry

One last cry, before I leave it all behind
I’ve gotta put you outta my mind for the very last time
Been living a lie
I guess I’m down
I guess I’m down
I guess I’m down...
To my last cry...

2010-08-29T23:52:00.000-07:00

There's nothing to write about after all these months of not updating my blog! Hence, since, this is not a good day for me, i shall post this!

FUCK YOU BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _l_ _l_

2010-05-28T10:05:00.001-07:00

If only studies were as easy as everyone made it seem....

If only i knew when and what to say at the right moment...

If only i knew for sure...

If only i could you were here like u once were...

I hope i'll do really well to go poly...or should i go jc? oh my god! I think i'm spending too much time online these days..and exams is just on monday! how am i suppose to do well if i continue to do this?

2010-02-17T23:56:00.000-08:00

If someone whom u've barely talk to much
less met more then a few times...
and sms u one night and ask u some random stuff..
and wishes u valentines day....
and for no reason at aall ask if u're in school
and.....
is this infatuation?

whats love?

Time passes by me...

2010-01-25T22:32:00.000-08:00

This is gonna be another hectic year for me again! Suddenly wish i had gone ite instead of choosing to come back to take my O levels! What with remedials to attend almost everyday and mountains of homework to do everyday, my life is turning into a total nightmare. the same routine goes all over again. but not like i would attend all of the remedial sessions so yeah...

Anyway, the latest news is that i went for some stupid companies job interview at hilton hotel like.....last week or so. This guy told me on the phone that it was a nyse company or something looking fro part time to full time paying $500-$2000 per month. regarless of whether u're working the whole week or just once a week. well, but the truth is only up to this point cause that company was not nyse! had to lie to my mum and tell her i was going to study so i could go for the damn interview! well, not like it turn out a total disaster or anything.....in fact, it turn out pretty good. just that i hate the part that i had to lie to my mum to go the interview.

anyway, i definitely hate the fact that i just broke my 1st new year resolution. i'm not gonna say what it is here but those of you whom i've told would know.

So while i'm doing my best to study hard and concentrate on my studies so i could pass my O levels, i'm also trying my best to forget about...........what i should never have gotten myself into in the first place. but the thing is, there are some things in this world where even if you try to stop it, it'll still happen. its something uncontrollable. beyond your limitations.....if you guys know what i mean =)

But u see, that was like the third time i meet him and he still remember what i told him the first time we met! and that friend of his had already forgotten who the hell i am! Ridiculous!

Anyway, thats a small bit about whats been happening in my damn life for the start of this year! Honestly speaking, i do not think this year is gonna be any different from any past years....nothing much or interesting can happen u know. so my life is gonna continue on its due course.

And school sucks my life out like hell man! Its boring, boring and boring. Nothing seems to have changed, well not that i did expect anything to u know....considering the fact that....alright. nv mind. Life just seem so stagnent and unteresting now. I wish O levls would come sooner than i know. so i could finish my O level exams and go poly! =) Mannnn! I'm so looking forward to go poly!

So thats all about my life...

2010-01-20T18:04:00.000-08:00

Stupid damn o level exam! i wish our load of homework isn't that much man! i really hate o levels and anything that cdomes with it! anyway, i've gotta go meet some stupid guy kevin today to go 4 some job interview he recommended me. paying pretty good money.

yea well, i know i shouldn't be looking for a jo this year and its nt like i need the money or anything but...well, seeing my mum work so hard to earn money and me doing nothing and always asking money from her make me feel so bad. its kinda like a sin!

anyway, i didn't know i could pass my n level man! i was so surprised when my form teacher told me that i pass that i didn't know what to say. no one thought i would pass anyway. considering the fact that i wasn't even studying that much bf the exams. to quote it, it was really last minute study.

and my mum got hospitalised like few days ago. which was really bad. and i missed her like hell. the house was so damn quite without her. but shes back nw and yeah!! everythings back to normal!=)=)=)

so yeah! i'm gonna study real hard this year and make sure i pass myn o level and surprise everyone and myself. so yeah!=)

2009-10-28T05:11:00.000-07:00

My life is currently going pretty well for me. As you guys know...i'm a super cheerful person by nature. Well yeah thats as long as no one pisses me off. haha. Anyway to sum up my life....these are some of the things that happened to me a few weeks ago. You see...i got kicked out of my part time job at marks and spencer. That asshole of a manager Dorothy actually scolded me and told me off in front of everyone. Hell to her! I was doing my work pretty well from what she told me and she told me i spoke well too so i don't see whats there for her to nag at me abt. Anyway, i'm happy i'm outta there. That place stinks if you ask me. Christina lee lee leng has been reeeeeeallllllllllllllly busy these few months ppl. And thats whats keeping happy. And it seems that i'm making a lot of new friends and theres this filipino guy that i met thats hot to the core. Hes currently studying and working part time too! Nice.

But i'm so worried i'll fail my exams. So worried. I really hope i pass well enough to go JC. Cause i wanna be a surgeon when i grow up. Thats MY ambition. It doesn't matter what anyone says. I don't give a damn anyway cause it doesn't matter what anyone thinks. Its still a dream anyway and its good to have a dream no matter what whether or not i'll be able to achieve it one day. Its better to have a dream something to push me on and to give me determination rather then to hang around aimlessly like some losers who're just doing what everyone else is doing. And trying to degrade anyone who has an ambition! Stupid asshole!

Anyway....heres cheers to life and i'm reallllllly enjoying my life at the moment ppl.
Life has never been better then this.
Cheers! And good luck to those taking their O-levels. YEAH!

HOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLAAAA...

2009-10-01T01:19:00.000-07:00

So long since i last updated my bloggy. And i just wanna say that there are lots of things happening in my life right now. Not all of it are that pleasant. But like i say, i've learn't to take things more easily.

First, lets talk about my mums birthday. My mum wanted me to go home early after school that day and so i did. But when i reach home, my maid told me she had went out and so i got so pissed off by her. Then she came back at around 5 plus or so and gave me a really sulky face. That was her birthday but that was what she showed me and then i found out later that it was bcos i hadn't given her the present when i wished her happy birthday that morning. Oh man! What a lame way to be angry about things like that. But everything turned out alright at the end of the day though.

Well....as for the rest of my life and what happen, i shall not say it here cos i do not wanna bring back the bad memories. But pleasant things did happen though and it was definitely memorable. But thats a long story. HAHA.....

School was alright though.But it seems that theres a lot of tensions arising. And my mum is pissing me off nuts!!! Sometimes i just wish things could be normal for one day.

But whatever it is.........heres CHEERS TO LIFE! XDXDXDXD....

HAPPPPPPPPPPYYYY.....

2009-07-29T00:29:00.000-07:00

Ok! This is like so stupid.I went for my chinese oral yesterday and guess what! Alright lets talk about the passage first. The thing was...i couldn't understand what the passage was about and neither do i want to. But the thing was, there were just too many words which i didn't understand and don't know how to read no matter how i tried. Oh gosh! It was real disaster! And i was practically reading it word by word and it took me sooooooooooo long to finish reading that stupid passage i tell you! And then when i finally finish reading, i looked up and found two stone faced man looking at me. The look they gave me was like they were expecting me to say something or other! Oh god! It was terrible!Terrible!Terrible!Terrible!

Right then, i kinda wish i wasn't brought up from an english background you know. But then again, if i hadn't been then i probably wouldn't been able to speak english well too! Arrrrrgh....save me! I think i'm gonna flunk chinese too....(so dearest friends{you know who you are} you don't have to wish me any luck for chinese paper ok).

Disaster!I hadn't actually thought that it could be so bad as that. And today, during english, Miss Khai went and remind Mrs Poh to let those having oral be dismissed early so they could have their lunch before reporting for the oral at the hall.

So guess what happen! At 1 pm, she ask who was having oral and all the malays and even those who weren't having oral went out too! I didn't know that there were only 6-8 of us in the class only until i turned around and i got the biggest shock
! Almost the whole class was empty! Hilarious! Totally hilarious man! Everyone had ran away from her class without her knowing! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA......But maybe shes aware and just didn't want to say anything? You would never know what people are thinking of.

Well....and life is just sooooooo fun lately. I've been going to the beach with mummy lately...on weekends when i'm not working of course. It was damn nice! I just love the breeze when it blow past me and i love to walk so close to the waetr and touch it cause its just so nice. And the seashells....i love the seashells. But my mum always ask me not to pick anymore shells cause she says that they're all so ordinary and plain. But i told my mum i thought them beautiful.

And idiot! I went home and our maid minda laughed at me and said the shells that i've picked aer so ordinary and ugly. IDIOT! But thats fine! At least they're nice in my eyes yeah.....=D

Life is so sweet and stargazing is just so nice. Peaceful and nice.

Till then......i guess i had better study hard for N-Level like what everyone says. But i'm finding maths more and more difficult....Oh God! I need help!

And heres to Jaden>You better stop whatever rumours you've spread about that thing i tell you. Cause Yiling isn't gonna believe you anymore! So this is to you =p

Upon the stars...

2009-07-16T00:13:00.000-07:00

Day 6:
I have been isolating myself for the past few days from everyone and everything.
I need time to sought out my life.
Its not that i'm trying to be unfriendly or anything okay people?
I just am not in the mood to talk.
Its not anything wrong that you guys have done thats making me so quiet.
But i just need time to think about things.
So leave me alone and i guess i'll be alright soon okay.
And good luck for your exams yeah people.
Do your best just like i am. Everything will work out fine
Just think positive.

Life is not that bad if you really think about it.
And thanks for being so concern.
I appreciate it.

Mr ong has said that he needs to see me today
Because of what i have done
So i'll be staying back in school until pretty late today and i'm arleady starving now.
I wonder what?

1 more week to getting my results.
And i'm hoping its sonmething good...but my six sense tells me otherwise.
Or maybe i'm just thinking too much.
I definitely hope so.

A empty place...

2009-07-15T23:21:00.000-07:00

Day 5:
It was an alright day today...nothing much happen and
i have finally paid the full amount to miss khai.
it was a very big sum of money.
$20.00 for class-T and $20.00 for family day carnival.
I didn't dare tell mummy as it was a big sum of money.
I had wanted to wait till i had enough to withdraw from my acount
but miss khai got irritated with me.

She hadn't look too happy when i had told her that i haven't ask my mum the other day.
I know how it felt like but i couldn't help it.
It was all i could do.
She doesn't like me was my impression of her whenever she talked to me...not that does all that often.
In fact, she rarely talk to me except to ask questions. This i felt awkward and stupid.

Like a forsaken child i just sat there thinking if i had done anything wrong.
Secretly, i despised her for who she was and everything that she possesed.
it was an untold secret.
And she in turn, thought i was {a troubled kid and a very quiet girl
A little abnormal and different}
But little did she know what had actually happen
No one did and neither did anyone bother to ask me

But i didn't mind...
as long as they left me alone

My mother and i went for a walk tonight
She talked to me and ask me what i've been thinking about these few days
and seeing as there was no need to lie, i told her...
My mind is in a mess and whatever the result is,
I'll just face up to it
I guess its time i learnt to be responsible for my own life.

Falling into the emptiness...

2009-07-11T22:51:00.000-07:00

Like a crippled autumn leave,
My life went before me...
I was suddenly wiped of my childhood innocence
All that lies underneath all the hopes and dreams got shattered
I sat quietly at the corner of my room looking at the stars twinkling
Not daring to move an inch...breathing became so hard for me...it came in forced gasp
Afraid that everything will vanished into nothingness into the night
Leaving me alone and confused.
The mistake that have just been done...
Was the worst mistake of a lifetime
I suddenly became aware of how cruel life was
Everything has left me without a choice
My future is no longer in my hands
It lies in the hands of some unknown person
I felt like crying and.....yes....crying was what i did
Hoping that it'll provide me with some comfort
Till there was no more tears left did i stop
It was then that i lost all securities
I felt so exposed and afraid
Thinking about those times when my mother had talked
to me and reminded me of the consiquences of my actions
Not knowing if there was any hope left for me, I sat gravely there..
just letting my mind wonder off to wherever it went
Smiling when it came to the good memories....not that many came
And feeling another round of fresh tears coming to my eyes
When again and again....those bitter memories came back to haunt me
When will i learnt my lesson and learn to take charge of my life and be
responsible for them?
I wonder if even god would help me anymore...
I was left with nothing...and nothing was going right anymore
This is the life of a forsaken childhood gal
Who just wish she hadn't done what she has just done
But things, once done cannot be undone and words once said cannot be taken back too
Again and again i repeated to myself that as long as i'm here
Everything will be alright
But....this time round, mercy and hope was not on my side
It left me...not leaving a trace of any evidence behind
I searched in vain for it but nothing came out of it....
The life that i have been hoping for and the dreams that i once had were now gone....
How i wish life could just go back to the way it once had for me...

Unforgetable....

2009-07-07T01:17:00.000-07:00

The past few days went by so fast! And guess what! I did enjoy my time all these while. And now....lets talk about what happen today.

You see, my form teacher miss khai wanted to make this logo or some sought for our class. And well, this was nice of her and in fact, i think this will increase the class spirit or something but the only problem is that its just too long. It was meaningful...yeah it was. But it was just too long. So the class started saying a bunch of stuff and well, since we couldn't think up of anything ''short and sweet'' ourselve, we had to stick with whatever we had.

And yeah...i got scolded by my mum last week...umm...sunday i think. Cause apparently, what had seem like fun to me had in fact turn out to be a total disaster. Cause my maid got so mad with me that she complained to my mum about what i did to her. And my mum was on her side this time....so i got the scolding. But that was fine...considering the fact that the day didn't really end on a bad note you know. It was all settled by the time we tucked in.

Anyway, My mum scolded me and told me it was a form of bullying and not fun! Well, how nice to know that huh? I kept explaining to my mum that i didn't have the intention to bully her and that i was just playing to her...well, at least thats from my point of perception. So i didn't know why my mum had to keep insistng that i was bullying my maid you know.

So my mum started saying a bunch of things about me being so naive and all. So god! Yeah...i do wish my mum and all those who knows me will stop saying this but .....haiz...impossible yeah.

Anyway, i did apologise to my maid for whatever i did though i still think they just didn't understand and i'm still firm on my perception of it. I mean...seriously speaking, i was just trying to play with her and all cause apparently, i thought she looked so bored as hell and i thought maybe i could put a smile on her face but it turned out totally disastrous! Oh man! I swear it was!

But guess what? I still enjoyed my weekend and a alot of great things happen and it kinda covered up for all the bad things that happend.

So SMIIIILLLEEEZZZZZ.......XD

:D

2009-07-02T23:30:00.001-07:00

Can you fill this out without lying?
~Umm..yeah..i shall try ^^
What was the last thing you put in your mouth?
~Food? Oh yeah..apple of course. haha...my fav. fruit.
Have you ever kissed anyone named Matthew?
~No...Do i have to?
Where was your default picture taken?
~Default picture? Why do you wanna know this for?
Last person you rode in a car with under the age of 20.
~My mum and a really good friend of mine...Jaden.
Can you play guitar hero?
~No..haha
Name someone that made you laugh today?
~A lot of them..haha..A never ending list of them.
How late did you stay up last night and why?
~Oh..pretty late. I was studying fro exams.
If you could move somewhere else, would you?
~I wouln't want to live somewhere permanently so yeah...^^
Ever been kissed under fireworks?
~Why would i want to? Its not even romantic. Besides, i'm not even a fan of fireworks ya know
Which of your friends lives closest to you?
~Priscilla, Melvin...etc..many of them..
Do you believe ex's can be friends?
~Sure! Why not?
Calling or texting?
~I'm fine with both.
How do you feel about dr pepper?
~Huh?
When was the last time you cried really hard?
~I've stop long ago when i realise crying won't solve anything.
Where are you right now?
~At home..
What bed did you sleep in last night?
~Its just a bed and does it matter? Well, at least theres a bed for me to sleep in and i'm grateful
What was the last thing someone bought for you?
~A very adorable looking soft toy..^^
Who took your profile picture?
~My best friend..^^
Who was the last person you took a picture of?
~My pet...chubby^^
Was yesterday better than today?
~Everyday is...Shouldn't life be like that?
Can you live a day without TV?
~Sure!Why not? Well, yeah..as long as theres a book for me to read...
Are you mad about anything?
~Yeah..someone insulted me of my dream/ambition!!!
Do you think relationships are ever really worth it?
~Well, it depends.Meanwhile? No.
When was the last time you were extremely disappointed?
~When i got my report slip.
Are you a bad influence?
~From my point of view? No.
What items could you not go without during the day?
~Haven't thought of it yet...
Would you share a drink with a stranger?
~Depends...
Who was the last person you visited in the hospital?
~My mum..when she fractured her ankle...
What does the last message in your inbox say?
~''Meeting tomorrow for...."can't really remember.
What do you feel now about your life?
~Well, life is too full of mystery and surprise...and...SMIIILLLEE!!! :D
Do you hate anyone?
~I don't wish to..but yeah..recently. Cause someone insulted me of my dream for no apparent reason!!!
If we were to look in your inbox, what would we find?
~Messages of course...what else could be in a inbox?^^
Can you easily tell if someone's a fake?
~Umm...not really leh
Say you were given a drug test right now, would you pass?
~Pass like what?That i've got no drugs in my body? Well, yes.
Has anyone ever called you perfect before?
~No ones perfect. So no.
What song is stuck in your head?
~"Do you know'' by someday.
Someone knocks on your window at 2am, who do you want it to be?
~Can be anyone. I welcome anyone except my enemies...haha
Wanna have kids before you're 30?
~Kids?! Oh no please!I don't even wanna get married. Probably adoption. Yeah...
Name something you have to do tomorrow?
~Lots of things actually...like what they say''live life to the fullest...'' :D
Can you whistle?
~Yeah...but not that well.
Do you sleep on your side, stomach, or back?
~Whichever is comfortable to me.
Do you think too much or too little?
~I worry too much and at the wrong time and think too little at the wrong time too. That also
why i always cause unnecessary troubles for myself.
Do you smile a lot?
~OF COURSE!!!Thats what i'm good at!:D
Who was your last missed call on your Mobile phone?
~My mum
When's the next time you will see the person you like?
~What sought of like? Umm like a friend? Everyday.
Are you happy with your life?
~Sure!Why not?
Can you handle the truth?
~Depends lah...But the truth hurts more often then not...
What was the last book you read?
~The best of catherine lim.My english teacher lone it to me.
Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with?
~No.
Is there something you always wear?
~Yeah...i don't really wanna say. cause its gross to say it out but you should know what.
What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
~ Oh..facebook.
Honestly, who was the last person to tell you that they love you?
~I'll laugh like mad if someone actually said that to me. Other then my mum and girl-friends.
Cause it sounds a little ''rou ma'' haha
Did you have an exciting time last weekend?
~ Yap!
Have you ever crawled through a window?
~Sure! But that was so long ago i can't even remember when.
Are you wearing a necklace?
~At this moment? No.
Are you an emotional person?
~Depends on how you look at it...But i think so...my bestie told me so maybe..
What's something that can always make you feel better?
~Some comforting words best of all a SMIIILLLEEE!!! ^^
Will this weekend be a good one?
~Well, i'm not a fortune teller so i won't know but i do hope it will be.
What do you want right now?
~To eat! :D
Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
~Yeah...sure! What do you see in my wardrobe?
Have you ever worked in a food place?
~Sure! Macdonalds
What would you name your future daughter?
~Im not sure and don't even mention about this again.
Any summer plans for 2009?
~Study. What else? I have to pass no matter what.
What's on your schedule for tomorrow?
~School lah!Its a weekday still you know.
Does anyone know your facebook password?
~Yeah...she even knows my blog password. But thats b'cos i trust her.

hhhiiipppeee!!!

2009-07-02T23:30:00.000-07:00

Yyyyooooowwwww HHOOOOO!!!
Ok so lets talk about what happen today! Honestly speaking, nothing much happen today. I almost wanted to stay home for the day and not go to school but for the sake of my exams, i have to. So yeah....

Someone was acting kinda weird today like seriously. But well, that was nothing.

And yeah...miss khai my form teacher showed us a video today and it had something related to SS. It was super gross and cruel. Oh....so cruel man! I mean like who would ever think that somewhere in this world, people are living life that is worst than hell right?

And the best thing is that the governmant isn't doing anything to help these unfortunate people and hes even trying to cover it up and pretend that everything is alright! Can you believe it? My gosh!!! How cruel can he get?

I doubt he felt the tinniest bit of guiltiness!!! They're human beings too you know and so i don't understand how humans can ever get so cruel?! I wish i could do something...anything for them but i can't.

I guess all that i can do now is pray for them that they'll find help one day. There were all these dead bodies everyhwhere it must have stank! That place is worst than hell a hundred times worst! It was living there, i would have rather died!!!

Oh my gosh!!! So gross man! But i'm thankful for what i have now so i'm living live to the fullest.

And right now, i'm still feeling so damn guilty about that fish that died. No matter how i think about it, i still think its my fault. I mean, i guess the problem lies in my inability to save it and yeah...my knowledge of fishes are just so little. And they're my pets! Can you believe it?! Ok! I guess i should try to learn more about the animals. They're cute...honestly speaking.

I have to stay back until 6pm today for my F&N. Pretty late and i'm starving here. But....life still goes on and theres always something good that will come out of everything............

So SMIIIIIILLLLEEEE!!! :D

Hey!!!

2009-07-01T01:19:00.000-07:00

Well, a lot of things has happen since i last bloged. And yeah...though most of it wasn't all that pleasant, life still goes on so SMIIILLLLEEE~

Anyway, isn't life always full fun? The thing that i'm feeling extremely guilty now is for killing that fish of mine. I mean, I wish i knew more about fishes. Cause if i do, this fish of ours wouldn't have to die you know.

Someone actually insulted me of my ambition. I call it an insult cause the quarrel that i had with them didn't have anything to do with my ambition but all of a suudden that girl just insulted me real badly and yeah...i wanted to cry actually. But funny thing, i didn't. Cause it kinda make me feel funny inside like i just understood a little more of how humans are.

But thats alright. Cause i'm assuming that everything is better now and i just deleted those tags that i don't wish to have in my blog. Cause i don't wish to be reminded of the unhappy things here so please don't feel insulted or anything.

Right till this moment, i still haven't fully understand why they got so angry with me for saying those things. Like honestly. But thats fine. I'll figure out one of these days. And yeah...mum, thanks for reminding me. And thanks for making me realise my mistake. It was a really confusing thing but more often then not, i guess i should think before saying anything.

But i've alwys been an outright person so i always voice out anything i have in mind. You should know that right mummy? Yeah you do. You told me so. I guess thats also the reason why i've cause so much unnecessary troubles but sorry people, if i do say anything that hurt you or anything, i apologise for it ok. Seriously speaking, if i knew what would happen, then i wouldn't have said anything. But i don't so please excuse me for that.

Pisssseeeedd

2009-06-23T12:09:00.000-07:00

For all those people out there, I hope you know this but in case you don't, well, let me tell you what. This is my blog so i have every right to write anything i want in it. It really is none of your buisness what i post on my blog! Seriously speaking, you guys don't even know anything and its not like i'm writing anything bad behind your back or anything which in my opinion some of you do and which i feel is so hypocritical of you.At least i'm not as hgypocritical as you and i'm assuming you know who i'm refering to!

And for god sake i do not need you telling me what i can or cannot write in my blog! Even if i were to post nude photos, thats my problem. Theres no need for you to tell me what to do cause you have no right to do that!!!

And excuse you?! I'm just stating the facts cause thats what colleen told me ok! This is not even my own interpretation of the situation for your infor! Its just that rina and i had a quarrel and colleen happen to tell me that she quarreled with someone from the class and i guessed it was germaine. Thats all. Oh yeah and by the way, whats all this got to do with you? yeah its true i don't know what happen but did you hear me saying anything bad?! All i said was that colleen and germaine had a dispute and its true isn't it? Or is your english that bad that you don't even understand whats the meaning of dispute?

Well, let me tell you what dispute means then! By definition, it means a quarrel between two people. And did they not quarrel? So all i said was for colleen to cheer up so what has it got to do with you anyway?

Its between germaine and colleen so leave me out of it for god sake! I don't know what happen and neither do i need to know or wish to know. What happen between you guys has seriously got nothing to do with me so please just shut it all out!!!

Hiiiipppppeeee!!!

2009-06-20T20:59:00.000-07:00

It was a totally cool day today cause i didn't have to go to work today. So guess what? Mummy and i took out that soya bean drink machine and made our own soya bean drink! Cool right. Then we took the soya bean ''zha'' and use it to make biscuits using our own recipe of course and surprisingly, it turn out really well. Just that it wasn't as sweet as i had hoped. But thats fine cause the biscuit tasted really well still. And yeah, i guess i stuffed myself up again today.

But it was reeeeeeeeeeeaaallllllllyyyyyyyy great!!! And mummy and i did enjoy our time today doing something out of nothing. Haahahahahahaha...

Lastly, mummy

I LOVE YOU!!!

Intrigued

2009-06-18T13:42:00.000-07:00

I've been trying so hard to stay up and study late for the past one week or so but it always fail. I mean i use to be able to do it in the past of course with a cup of coffee(added with additional sugar and milk). But lately, i always ended up falling asleep on the table after 2 hours or so.And this has been freaking me out cause just counting the days....i'm left with not much time to study before the exams! And even with a cup of coffee, it just doesn't help anymore. Maybe i should just stop hanging out with my friends altoghether cause maybe thats the reason why i'm always feeling so tired at the end of the day.

Like what my mum told me, this year is a very important year for me. Cause it determines my future and whether i'll reach my dream of becoming a doctor when i grow up.

Oh right. Maybe i should just stop my nonsence and just concentrate on my studies cause its all abt getting a good certificate in order to survive in this world.

Anyway, things were pretty alright today and thanks a lot colleen! Thanks for cheering me up! I feel so much better now sought of like a grey cloud just lifted or something you know. Haha...anyway, i found out that rina wasn't angry anymore. According to what she told me but i'm not too sure if its true. It might be true and on the other hand, it might not be. But it doesn't really matter anymore cause i don't need to know and neither do i wish to know.

Seems like the fishes that mummy and i are feeding are having a little skin problem or something. Yeah...they told us that it was anchor worms but i'm not too sure if it is or not ...after you know...checking the web. It seems like anchor worms are some wrigley red ''worms'' which are not really worms that hang onto the fishes fin end. But thats not whats happening so i guess these so called experts don't know abt anymore better than we do.

And that guy...or girl by the name of Nick(it could be a girl trying to act like a boy, or a boy trying to act like a girl for all you know)..yeah..the medicine that he recommended doesn't even seem to be working at all! I wonder if he really know what hes doing or if hes just trying to act like he does...being a sales man himself you know.

Anyway, i'm still clueless about the disease that some of our fishes are suffering from. And then theres this particular fish whose eyes are like bulging out and there seem to be something thats covering his eyes. Oh my gosh...hes probably feeling so uncomfortable. But still, theres nothing i can do for him. Well, i wish i knew what to do but i don't.

And it seems like Germaine and colleen had a dispute among them. No wonder they won't sitting with each other during maths lesson. Anyway, colleen cheer up and although i'm not too sure what happen, i hope both of you make up soon alright?

在世界的莫一个角落
我正在想你！

Let everything go back to the way it was meant to........

2009-06-15T22:51:00.000-07:00

It was a tiring day today and I feel really down. I finally realise that you can never rely on a friend no matter what happen. Cause friends will never be with you for ever. When they have new friends, they'll totally ignore you leaving you feeling like an idiot when you try to be with them. I don't know but seriously, thats how i feel.I just feel so out of place and seriously speaking, i'm sick of such people!

Like what wei long said, these people are just hypocrites! They have no friends and the only reason why they even stick with you is because they don't wish to be alone, or be left out. You really feel terrible when you find out the reason behind their every action. If only everyone would just show their true self and not be such hypocrites! It really hurts when you find out that the person whom you have always thought of as a friend would do such things to you.

But thats fine..at least it has thought me to treasure the time i have with my mum as shes the only one who'll always be with me no matter what happens to me. She's the only one i would and could ever rely on for help. Cause i know that one day, if i were to turn blind or meet with an accident and break my legs, the only person who'll always be there to look after me and care for me would be my mum and no one else.

Thats true isn't it? For these 16 years of my life, i've been trying so hard to trust the ones around me but it seem really hard to do that anymore! I would have been the real blunderbuss if i even try to trust anyone anymore! Its just not worth my time doing these things.

I really felt so hurt and i even cried when i saw what rina said to me on her blog. I thought she was a friend but it turns out that all the while, i was the only one who thought this way. So everyone was just putting on an act when they talked to me right? So this is the real them! So its true what sharen told me after all. Cause there was one point in time when i seem to suddenly doubt if they just befriended me because of the food or if it was really acceptance. Seems like it was all an act. I even thought i could finally put down my fear and learn to trust people and now, this is what i get for trying to be nice.

Its all a waste of time trying to be nice to them. Like i would even want to befriend them anymore. Like what i say, i'm so sick of people like them! I don't even want to talk to them anymore! I would rather be by myself. Afterall, you never know if these people ever mean what they say. They may be nice to you in front but that may not be the case when you're not around. They could be gossiping about you when you're unaware. Yeah...thats true! This was not what i thought of them or even wanted to think of them when they talked to me but this is exactly how i feel right now. Thanks to these group of so called friends of mine.

I don't even know why god even created me when this is how life is. No one ever bothered about how i felt deep inside me. They just simply assume that everything was alright and i was as happy as i look on the surface. Isn't that true? Well, its good they don't know me well cause i wouldn't dae say anything bad might not happen if they do.

So what i've learn from these people is that its never good to trust people easily.

............To begin with

2009-06-14T22:23:00.000-07:00

It was an alright day today. Mummy and i went and visited the terrace house we lived in in the past. The house that held so much memory for mummy and me. It has really changed a lot and the houses are all rebuilt and newly painted. It's nice to know that the house we used to live in in the past has been bought over by a really nice family.
Then we went to Pek kio market to see the changes........if there is any. And there was a lot of changes apparently. Originally, we wanted to have our breakfast there but the queus were super long and in fact...i actually queued for the prawn noodle for almost 30 mins and the queue was still not moving at all. And only to find out later that all those who didn't wanna queue simply went to the front and order their food directly from the cook! Oh my gosh! I almost burst my top!
Anyway, my mum and i ended up only drinking a cup of coffee which obviously tasted so bitter and the toasted bread. But that was fine. Then we went home cause mummy wanted to take her wallet and i wanted to buy flowers for grandma and grandpa when we visit them later. I really miss them a lot and i realy wished they were with us now. Seriously. Sometimes i just don't understand why god has to take them away from me when i still have not really spent my time and love with them. If only they could have live a little longer it doesn't have to be long...just a few minutes for me to take a look at them would be enough...snifffff.

Then later we went to thomson plaza to eat and to buy some groceries before going home at 2 pm. It was quite an alright day after all and we did spent a bit more then usual though.

After visiting my grandparents, mummy and i went and bought the medicine that we need to cure the few sick fishes we have. And the person who serve us was a guy. Imagine! I didn't even realise he was a guy!While he was talikng to my mum, i was actually trying to figure out if he was a guy or a girl. Until he finally ave my mum his name card and my mum ask him for his name. He said he was Nick and suddenly, a light bulb appeared in my head and i realise he was actually a guy. But he was really cute and look like a 18 yr old boy.

Anyway, thats about all . yeah...i bought a new water bottle and a cheese cake which turn out not to taste like cheese cake at all but was quite nice and i shared it with mummy and the maid and our rooster bob. smilllllleeeeezz ^^

My crazy life.....

2009-06-13T21:42:00.000-07:00

Went to work today and it was kinda fun except for the part where i had to do fries for approximately 2 1/2 hours. It was damn hot and plus the heat from the lights i guess i almost scorched my hand...alright, its not as bad as i have put it. But seriously, it was hot. Yeah...but i guess thats how working life is supposed to be and if i can't even take this then how am i suppose to be able to survive the working life next time right? .......sigh.....i don't know if this is good or bad..but seems like a lot of things are happening to my friends and i lately and its not anything good at all.
In fact, i'm starting to feel so left out and lonely lately. Today wei long sought of scolded felix and reena and reena cried! That was the first time i've seen her cry and i was not feeling great at all so i asked her what happened but she refused to tell me and i had to ask wei long personally.

Apparently, according to wei long, felix was just taking one order and talking for the rest and there were a queue of people in front of him waiting to be served. Yeah i agree with him that that wasn't very fair to him wen felix did that and leave the rest of the customers to him to serve.

But it wasn't all that nice of wei long to scold them in front of everyone too right? I mean...ok! Put yourself in their position and imagine how ambarrased and hurt you would have felt. Its not a nice feeling at all so i don't suppose that was the only way he could have solve the problem right?

I don't know...but anyway, yu xuan extended me to 8 and by the time i ended, i was really tired so i went to buy a few packets of biscuits for my mum and the maid before i went home.

Went home and sharedmy dinner with bob the rooster i have at home. Cause he seem to really like the fish so i gave him all of it.Cause he didn't have anything nice to eat lately so i shared them all with him. Then went and studied till the early hours of the morning before going to bed at 3 plus. And thats about how my day went.

ssssssssssss....

2009-06-08T13:35:00.000-07:00

Its been a long time and lots of things has happen.Sadly, i've also done a lot of things..stupid things to put it. And i've come to realise that i should never trust anyone easily...no matter how close i am to the person. Its true! Cause i don't ever want to get hurt ever again.....because somewhere deep within me...i seem to feel really painful..... like someone just stab me with a knife. Yeah..that feeling.
Especially when i found out something that i really don't want to ever happen to me.It might not mean anything to them or to anyone. But i felt it and at this moment i suddenly doubted..about everything that exist or use to exist.
Its not a great feeling to be betrayed if thats how its used.I don't know what to say anymore..i don't even know if i've been enjoying my life anymore. But one things for sure..no ones ever gonna understand me anymore.And no one will...cause things are gonna be very different from today onwards. And people force me to...i too wish it would never happen but since things has already reach this state then let it be.
Yeah...maybe it'll be better if everything just return to the way it was meant to be...yeah...maybe..

freak you all!!!

2009-06-04T10:40:00.000-07:00

Mummyyy!!!
Why was i born into this world?
Could you tell me why?
I didn't ask anyone to give birth to me at all so why?
Mummy, i really wish you know how i feel seriously.
Why do people always have to pretend to like me when they don't?
Why do they always have to do things and say things that hurt me so much?
I tried so hard to be nice to people and not try to hurt them by what i say like what you have always taught me but why do things always go the way i don't want them to?
MUMMY!!! It took me so long to gain the courage to trust people again and now i finally realise that i shouldn't have cause mummyyyy!!!
I always get hurt when i try to! I wish i could live my lifeall over again or better just disappear into nothing.
Mummy! Why did god make me into this world? A place where i don't belong, where i feel so out of place?
I would have felt better if everything hasn't been this way.......